Many years ago I went out in my boat pulling creels when I pulled up a very unusual catch……my creel was full of biscuits. Biscuits of every different kind. 

“Oooh” I said to myself “these biscuits will bring me in more money than those lobsters.”

I headed for shore a happy man that my day’s work was done. Getting back to my hut I hid the biscuits underneath my old upturned yole and went to bed.

That night I dreamt a terrible dream…...  I’m out in my boat fishing and I pull up my lobster creel and inside is a furry lobster. At that moment the wind picks up and suddenly there is a whirlwind above the boat. And the whirlwind is totally made up of biscuits. I row for shore as fast as my arms can pull the oars, but the whirlwind follows and just as I get to the beach I look over my shoulder and see that the whirlwind has sharp teeth and a long shiny tail. 

Then I wake up.

Stumbling out of bed I go to the bathroom and splash water on my face. 

Looking in the broken mirror I say to myself “Was my catch of biscuits real or did I just imagine it?”

I go to the upturned yole to check on my hoard of biscuits. When I get to the yole there are no biscuits anywhere to be seen, not one crumb. 

I stride back to my hut put on my oilskins, grab a dry bannock, jump in my boat and row out to my lobster creels once more.

Just as I am pulling up the first creel, I hear very high pitched voices shrieking and yelling, the thumping of bass beats and the splashing of symbols and a strange high pitched wail undulating across the water.

I let go of my rope and grab my binoculars.

What I see next I can hardly believe….. a hundred small, hairy creatures dancing on the beach. As I look closer I can see that every one of these creatures has a biscuit in their hand. I put down the binoculars. “My biscuits!” I say, and I row for shore as fast as my arms can pull the oars.

But when I get to the shore there is nothing to be seen, nothing to be heard, and not one biscuit crumb on the sand.

I shake my head, get back in my boat and row back to my creels. Once more I hear the partying creatures on the shore and once more raise my binoculars to my eyes. “Dwarfies!”.

 Every creature has a biscuit in each hand and a mouth stuffed to overflowing.

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I slowly pulled up a creel wondering if it will hold a lobster, or maybe even a furry lobster! But when the creel comes to the surface it is jam packed with a huge variety of biscuits.

A smile crept across my face. “HA HA HA HA. BISCUITS GALORE”. I pulled up another creel. More biscuits. Another, and another, and another. More and more and more biscuits. 

Biscuit Rap

Any crumb is number one

Custard cream, caramel wafer, shortbread 

Any crumb is number one

Wagon wheel, ginger snap, bourbon

Any crumb is number one as long as it’s a biscuit.

Any crumb is number one as long as it’s a biscuit.

Any crumb is number one as long as it’s a biscuit, 

 a biscuit, a biscuit, 

biscuit biscuit biscuit biscuit

Ha ha ha ha h a ha ha,biscuits galore.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, more and more and more.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, two million and four.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, take them back to shore......................................  

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And so... the story continues...........

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words©Sarah McFadyen & Joel Sanderson

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